“Doing Nothing?” Not Even Close.
Why comfort is care—and why families shouldn’t have to defend it.
When someone is living with advanced dementia, there are difficult truths we must face:
This is a progressive, terminal condition.
It will not get better.
It will, eventually, take their life.
And yet, despite understanding this, families are often placed in an impossible position. They’re asked:
- “Do you want CPR if their heart stops?”
- “Should we intubate them if they can’t breathe?”
- “Do you want them transferred to the ICU?”
Yes, we’re required to ask about CPR, intubation, and other life-sustaining treatments. And families are often asked to make these decisions at a time when they’re overwhelmed and emotionally raw.
But here’s the truth:
These decisions are rarely the most important ones.
For people with advanced dementia, CPR and ICU-level care are unlikely to offer benefit—and often cause suffering. And yet, we frame these choices as the centerpiece of advance care planning.
What matters more is what comes next:
How are we going to make this person comfortable?How will we preserve their dignity, ease their distress, and support their family?
That’s where our focus should be—not just on what we won’t do, but on the meaningful care we will provide.
This Isn’t Informed Consent. It’s a False Dichotomy.
Too often, families are made to feel like choosing comfort is choosing to give up.
Like they’re “withholding.”
Like they’re “pulling the plug.”
That’s not only misleading—it’s harmful.
Comfort Is Not a Diminished Form of Care
Let me say this clearly:
- Choosing comfort is not “doing nothing.”
- Choosing comfort is not the absence of care.
- Choosing comfort is showing up with intention.
The ADVANCED-Comfort model reframes this entire conversation.
It asks:
- What brings this person peace?
- How do they like to be touched, fed, moved, spoken to?
- What does comfort mean to them—not just their body?
That’s what the 6M Care Planning Tool is designed to do:
To put the focus where it belongs—not on aggressive interventions that don’t help, but on meaningful comfort that does.
We Can Do Better
Families should never have to feel guilty for choosing the only care that actually helps.
They are not “withholding.” They are not “letting go.”
They are stepping up and asking for the kind of care their loved one deserves.
Comfort-focused care is not a passive alternative to treatment—it’s the treatment.
If you’ve ever been asked to choose between “doing something” and “doing nothing”—you’re not alone.
Let’s change the conversation.
Start here:
Download the 6M Care Planning Tool
